Category Archives: Family


hyunnnnh, originally uploaded by Sassberto.

Bros n’ buds

Bros n’ buds, originally uploaded by Sassberto.

Felix Tibs just wrapped up a week-long stint in San Diego… and got to see the good, bad, and downright stenchy undebelly of childrearing.

Highlights included Aunt Sassy getting poop in his eye.

Pics available here

Tips for new dads

  • Don’t complain about grocery shopping, cleaning house, and making dinner… you got off easy on this one.
  • Watching an entire, uninterrupted episode of Law and Order should be considered a major accomplishment.
  • Childless yuppie couples with small dogs will say things like “I know what you are going through… when Sam was a puppy it was really tough on us”. Resist the urge to punch them in the face.
  • Not going to a bar, restaurant, club, movie theater, mall, or store of any kind means unexpected and significant financial savings.
  • You will get peed on, barfed on, and pooped on. Get used to it.
  • Everyone will ask you “are you getting any sleep?”, so come up with some sort of clever answer to that a la Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions
  • Single friends will invite you to go “party” or participate in other beer-soaked activities such as weekend road trips. They may be confused as to why you decline the invite. Similarly your drunken buddies will have a hard time understanding why you’re not so keen on inviting them over for the big game anymore. But don’t worry about that, because the next bullet point solves that problem.
  • Your single male friends (and most of your wife’s single female) will disappear faster than spiked punch on prom night.
  • Your wife will most likely go insane at some point from spending every waking hour placating a screaming 10-pound meatloaf. Give her a break for a couple hours a day. You can walk a baby and drink beer at the same time, trust me.
  • Your weird childless neighbors will offer to babysit and you will seriously consider it, even though they chain-smoke cigarettes and are possibly alcoholics.
  • Women, especially young women and baby-crazed thirty-somethings will pay a lot of attention to you, especially if you are walking the baby. Take pride in the fact that you have reached the pinnacle of the socio-sexual food chain, but resist the urge to punch yourself in the face because you can’t do a thing to capitalize on it.
  • As a young yuppie parent you are now part of an exclusive club. Bask in your own sense of superiority as you discuss the latest in stroller technology, baby yoga, and the importance of early registration into the most competitive preschools. Prepare to judge and be judged by effete suburbanites who only allow Tyler and Madison to wear organic cotton and use the finest triple-milled French soaps. You will soon recognize that yuppie parents are perhaps the scariest people you will ever meet.  And that you are now one of them.

SDSU Commencement 08′

018, originally uploaded by Sassberto.

Beth got her Master’s degree this weekend. Congrats!

Prego Concerns

Reality’s setting in, we’ve got less than 20 weeks to go. The belly grows and now pretty much anyone can tell by looking what’s going on. We have to make some crib / stroller / highchair decisions: Does anyone really need a 900-dollar German-engineered stroller? How about an “infant transportation system”. What about baby room decisions: Paint colors? Curtains? Does a baby really care about decor? Apparently my wife believes so.

The baby on the way is changing my perception on things. I haven’t been single in a long time, but now I have an even harder time relating to it. Listening to co-workers talk about their vacation or nightlife is like listening to teenage girls talk about their boyfriends. Instead I actually seek out other parents who just tell me about the hellish nightmare that is apparently raising a newborn child. I predict a swift but quiet exodus of our single friends shortly after the baby’s birth, not because they are bad people, but who the hell wants to be around a screaming baby that isn’t yours?

In walks with my wife around the city, my perception zooms to cracks in the sidewalk that might cause a trip, or homeless people or gangsters, or anyone with a dog. People that never really bothered me in the past are now cause for vigilance, even cause for crossing the street. Things that would have concerned me deeply a few years ago – the credit crisis, the elections, are just anecdotally important to me right now.

My long-term thinking revolves around things like public vs. private school and how long my wife can or should stay home with the kids. Not to mention the ‘second child’ which realistically should happen pretty shortly after the first. Of course the question of “when do we need to get a bigger house in a better area” looms not-so-far-off in the distance, at that inevitable but unforseen time when the baby is not a baby anymore but a little kid, going to school on the school bus.

It’s a weird place to be – the anticipation is kicking into overdrive, but I know that it’s all just a few months away. So for now, I try to distract myself with home improvement projects and SimCity 4.

Gnu Yiere

Happy New Year Kiddies. We had a blast back in NY and it’s back to work for us.  Felix Tibs has a stellar review of our New Year’s Eve festivities that is sure to satisfy.

In other news, we’re pregs! The baby is expected in early summer. Is announcing pregnancy on a blog a sign of our changing world? Maybe, but if you didn’t know by now, you aren’t checking my MySpace page!