Monthly Archives: March 2008

Ari and Mrs. Ari in Therapy

Mrs. Ari: I asked for one hour out of the day for his undivided attention and I can’t even have that.

Ari: You can have it if you want to live in Agoura fucking Hills, and go to group therapy, but if you want a Beverly Hills mansion, and you want a country club membership, and you want nine weeks a year in a Tuscan villa, then I’m gonna need to take a call when it comes in at noon on a motherfucking Wednesday.

Prego Concerns

Reality’s setting in, we’ve got less than 20 weeks to go. The belly grows and now pretty much anyone can tell by looking what’s going on. We have to make some crib / stroller / highchair decisions: Does anyone really need a 900-dollar German-engineered stroller? How about an “infant transportation system”. What about baby room decisions: Paint colors? Curtains? Does a baby really care about decor? Apparently my wife believes so.

The baby on the way is changing my perception on things. I haven’t been single in a long time, but now I have an even harder time relating to it. Listening to co-workers talk about their vacation or nightlife is like listening to teenage girls talk about their boyfriends. Instead I actually seek out other parents who just tell me about the hellish nightmare that is apparently raising a newborn child. I predict a swift but quiet exodus of our single friends shortly after the baby’s birth, not because they are bad people, but who the hell wants to be around a screaming baby that isn’t yours?

In walks with my wife around the city, my perception zooms to cracks in the sidewalk that might cause a trip, or homeless people or gangsters, or anyone with a dog. People that never really bothered me in the past are now cause for vigilance, even cause for crossing the street. Things that would have concerned me deeply a few years ago – the credit crisis, the elections, are just anecdotally important to me right now.

My long-term thinking revolves around things like public vs. private school and how long my wife can or should stay home with the kids. Not to mention the ‘second child’ which realistically should happen pretty shortly after the first. Of course the question of “when do we need to get a bigger house in a better area” looms not-so-far-off in the distance, at that inevitable but unforseen time when the baby is not a baby anymore but a little kid, going to school on the school bus.

It’s a weird place to be – the anticipation is kicking into overdrive, but I know that it’s all just a few months away. So for now, I try to distract myself with home improvement projects and SimCity 4.

More Fashion Fun

Some more musings on corporate men’s fashion…

  • Wearing all-black does not really make you stylish. If you are over 30, it makes you weird.
  • If you are over 30, resist the urge to shop and H&M or Zara. Those clothes don’t fit you anymore. You can find lower-cost adult clothes at places like Lands End.
  • The hem of your pants is probably the most important detail of all. Your pants hem should touch the sole of your shoe in the back for a full break, and about an inch above for no break. Showing your socks or man-ankles is absolutely forbidden. Similarly, walking around with sacks of cloth on your shoes is not good either.
  • If your pants are hemmed too short, get them fixed at the tailor, don’t sag your pants down to make up for it.
  • Invest in more than one pair of shoes. A good basic selection would be a black plain or cap-toe oxford, a brown oxford, and a brown loafer. If you wear the same shoes every day, people will notice.
  • Wearing the same pair of Gucci Horsebit loafers every day is not going to cover the fact that you only have one pair of shoes. Instead of spending 500 dollars on those, get 3 pairs of Allen Edmonds on sale.
  • Wearing loafers with a suit really doesn’t make sense. Loafers are casual shoes.
  • Sportjackets are casual, not dress clothes. However in ‘business casual’ offices, you will get a little grief for wearing a jacket. Just keep at it and eventually they won’t notice. I’m wearing one today.
  • A tie and a dress shirt is not really any dressier than not wearing a tie at all. If you wear a tie, wear a jacket too. No jacket, no tie. You can just wear a sportjacket with out the tie as well.
  • If you wear a jacket, keep it on. If all you want to do is take the jacket off the minute you get to your desk, ditch the jacket entirely.
  • Buy a pair of socks that stay up. Baggy socks are definitely a no-no. Club Room socks have EverStay technology and really do stay up!
  • Socks match your pants. Not your shoes. So grey slacks and black shoes means grey socks.
  • Please, for the sake of everyone else in the office, wear an undershirt. I can see your hairy man-nipples through your white shirts.
  • If there is one and only one piece of advice I can offer, it is to either learn how to iron your clothes or go to the dry cleaner and get your clothes professionally pressed. You can’t just keep wearing the same shirt again and again without getting them pressed. My rule is 2 wears per laundering.