The NPR Rant

This one is a long time coming.

I’m a news whore. I need news, constantly. CNN, New York Times, NPR, BBC. Local, National, Global, I’m all over it.

In the morning, I have 25-35 minutes to get my NPR fix. NPR is mostly good radio – lotsa news, somewhat liberal, but not too much so (unlike the Beeb).

Over the past few months I have begun to break into cursing fits at NPR., usually with a resultant change in the dial to Howard Stern. Why, you ask? How about a bulleted list?!

* Traffic Report Sucks
NPR’s traffic report is apparently farmed out. There is no rhyme or reason to their reports. They do the traffic whenever they damn well feel like it, typically 15 minutes past the time when I’ve become hopelessly entrenched in traffic. The worst part is, they tend to do southbound freeways in one report, then northbound in another, so you are screwed either way.

* Poetry, Arab Women Singers, Retrospectives on Aretha Franklin
Apparently some people actually enjoy hearing a shreiking broad sing in Arabic at 6:45 AM. I’m not one of them. Does anyone actually care about poetry to the point in which they want to hear it on the radio? If so, please come forward so I can kill you.

* Intellectual Analyses of Art by Pompous College Professors.
I grew up in the Northeast, so I know all about these guys and their big words. Hearing Gloria Penner kiss ass on a guy who’s never set foot outside a college classroom should be grounds for immediate litigation.

* Gabriel Wisdom and the San Diego Business Report
Not only does Gabe repeat the same damn news SEVERAL DAYS IN A ROW, he also gets endless plugs for his own company while simultaneously having the on-air persona of a Pompous College Professor. NEWS FLASH – HE’S READING IT STRAIGHT OUTTA THE WALL STREET JOURNAL!

* Dirk Sutro and the Lounge
Now, I know someone who works on this show, and several of my friends have appeared on it, but dammit, Dirk needs a punch in the teeth.