Sassy’s list of banned furniture

As a new homeowner, the quest for proper home furnishings is a relentless pursuit. From antique stores to garage stores to Craigslist, the search continues. Here’s a quick list of furniture that is banned from Casa De Sassy, for your reading enjoyment.

  • Black lacquer furniture of any kind (single man alert)
  • ‘Entertainment Centers’ (why do people need these?)
  • Anything made of melamine, engineered wood, or particle board (lifespan: 3 years?)
  • 70’s era rounded oak bookshelves
  • Anything “tuscan” style or made of stone (for indoors… what is this, an ancient temple?)
  • Used couches or mattresses of any kind (gross)
  • Anything ‘vintage’. Vintage is a code word for ‘seventies’.
  • Anything made of green, grey, black, or purple leather. There are no teal cows.
  • Anything from Ikea. (lifespan: 1 year? See ‘particle board’)
  • ‘Shabby Chic’ furniture which is actually just shabby.
  • Futons of any kind (see ‘used mattresses’)
  • Papasan chairs and beanbags (seventies are over, kids)
  • Bamboo, Wicker or Rattan!
  • Asian-themed furniture of any kind.
  • Beds with integrated shelving or lighting.

12 thoughts on “Sassy’s list of banned furniture

  1. leahpeah

    joe and i have at least half of those items. you’re welcome to come and enjoy them at our place anytime. you know, just in case you miss having them around.

  2. The Lung

    Not half, 33%. And I don’t really consider our “entertainment center” an “entertainment center” because it is more valuable than the actual “entertainment” contained therein.

    Also, it’s nice looking.

    The invitation stands though. 🙂

  3. peter lee

    Thank God my impressive collection of dogs playing poker and cats & kids with big eyes on velvet wasn’t on your list. I guess I can still consider myself cool!

  4. mikey

    Why do people need entertainment centers? Because without them, my DVDs would be all over the place, and there’d be hundreds of wires running everywhere, connecting my TV, cable box, DVD player, and PS2.

    OK, maybe not, but it’s nice to put them all in a little home so they can be neighbors. Hey, it beats a wood box (or spool) as a TV stand.

    And boy, you really hated the 70’s, didn’t you. hahahahah

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