Victim of the Downturn in Capital Markets #3454567
9/4/2001
by: Sassy
I thought I was immune. All around me the economy crumbled: layoffs, downsizing, and outright failure prevailed. I thought I had made it through the summer with my job intact.
I was wrong.
Friday I became yet another hapless victim of the “Economic Downturn”. I was sat down and told that I would be taking a 50% pay cut for the forseeable future. Of course this was due to a lack funding, a weak capital market, and a wariness of investors to put money into high-tech startup companies.
Of course none of this was any surprise to me. A few weeks before I had felt a vibe, a scent of tension in the air. I knew it was coming. Actually, I’ve known there was no way my company could succeed for months. There are warning signs, and you should learn to recognize them.
Nonexistent Sales Revenue:
Typically this is the factor that does most start-ups in. In order to have a succcessful buisness you must be selling products and services at a greater rate than you are paying out salaries and expenses.
TIP #1: If your company has yet to sell ANYTHING after 1 year, you’re fucked.
Atmospheric Burn Rates:
There’s a concept called “bootstrapping” that has been largely forgotten. This is how the Apples, Microsofts, and HP’s got started. A couple guys with a good idea in their Mom’s basement, growing only when necessary to meet demand. last year’s inflated capital market led to phenominal expenditures on equiptment, highly specialized staff, and lavish workspaces.
TIP #2: If revenue from sales total $0, but you’re spending $80,000 A MONTH on empty space and unused equiptment, you’re fucked.
Blatant Incompetence and Nepotism:
Without a doubt, old-fashioned incompetence is rampant. People with no real buisness skills simply cannot be expected suceed. Hiring your son/daughter/wife/girlfriend is a sure-fire way to make sure the rest of the staff hates you and your whole family.
TIP #3: If more than 30% of the staff is fucking each other or a result of fucking each other, you’re fucked.
I hope these words can aid you loyal readers in your quest for financial success. Remember: DON’T BELIEVE A WORD THEY SAY. Buisnesses exist for one reason: to make money. A buisness that’s not making money cannot exist. Your boss is not your friend, he is your boss.
Blogs
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Sorry bout the paycut blogsie O Cheif… It looks like my 16 hours a week working at CitySIE wont make the grade either……. Frightnare here I come!!
Sassy B
rolls707@celeryclub.com
http://www.apple.com
UPDATE: AS of today, 9/7, I am officially unemployed. %50 pay cut became %100 pay cut. WHOO HOO!
Upset Bros
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So Sorry Sassy, if you need to bunk with your old brosie I have a fouton that is covered in crap waiting for you! I might be able to get you a job at CitySITE if you dont mind heading our Beatnik Project!