My wacky Trip to Long island
by: Retch Stenchwell
Christmas, a time for family and a time for stress. This Christmas, just like every other one, I went home to Long Island to spend it with my family.
After a fairly uneventful flight to Long Island, I arrived in Islip airport expecting to see my mothers face or my dad anxiously awaiting my arrival. Instead I was met by my good friend Dan Cregan who had brought his new girlfriend along for the trip. After getting completely stoned, I was dropped off at home to deal with what lay before me. Mom and Dad were exstatic, and Grandma remained somewhat unemotional in typical Grandma fashion. We all sat down and had a great dinner, where I recieved free money from my parent’s friends. X-mas was particularly nice, I made in upwards of 200 dollars.
That night I went and hung out with some friends at the local Pimento Hut. I met Dan’s girlfriend’s cousin who seemed to be attracted to me almost immediatley (Of course, I had no idea). That’s about the time the blizzard hit. About a foot and a half of snow rained down on East Northport, covering all with white wholesomness.
After shoveling the driveway twice, I went out to make some money shoveling my pals driveway. Once I realized that this would take in upwards of two hours, I decided that there must be a better way. Just as I thought that, 2 guys showed up and offered to snowblow the driveway for 35 bucks! Since we were getting paid 50 dollars each, this was a fuckin’ blessing.
That night we drank Coronas and went sleigh riding at midnight at a local school. I fashioned a tobogan out of a large piece of cardboard and set off running. I dove head first down the hill and was sent flying over numerous jumps. About a buckets worth of cold snow ended up down my shirt and caked to my face.
The next day, me and The Creeper went to a movie with my Pa. On the way there, my father needed to listen to his new ABBA cd as loud as humanly possible. You havent heard ABBA till you hear it in a Regal!
News Year’s Eve was a lame as it ever was, consisting of me and my friends getting drunk and desperately hitting on any available women. Once again, unsuccesful. Then I came home.
Here is a quick guide for those of you who don’t feel like reading this crap:
Times I ate at IHOP—7,
Times I went to NATHAN’S—15,
Amount of time spent sitting around in someones car smoking pot—12 hours
Amount of times I was supposed to hang out with Creeper—4,
Days it took from arrival to first bowel movement—4,
Times I urinated on the sofa—11.
Well, if you thought my trip was as uneventful as I’ve made it seem, you’re right! It’s good to be back where the beef is!
sounds to me like nothing has changed back in good ‘ol east northport, the town I too have called home! I visit only once in a blue moon myself and I (unlike you) only live 10 min away in Greenlawn!